


Incalescent Night

by Verisimilitude (Wolfy_Tales)



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Christmas Family Gatherings, Drunk Kylo is Flirt Ben, Drunk Rey is Honest Rey, F/M, Torturous Karaoke, Ugly Holiday Sweaters, whoops forest fight, whoops mistletoe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-07
Updated: 2016-01-07
Packaged: 2018-05-12 08:04:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5658832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wolfy_Tales/pseuds/Verisimilitude
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>During a Christmas dinner long ago, Grandfather Anakin severed his son's radial and ulnar arteries in his right wrist while trying to cut the turkey. The fiasco resulted with bloodstains in the hardwood flooring and Luke without a hand. </p><p>Maybe this weekend wouldn't be as dramatic, but Kylo truly believed this Christmas was turning out to be the worst. Because his supposedly new 'cousin' was equal parts disquieting and entrancing.</p><p>It was more maddening than his mom's love for holiday-themed sweaters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Incalescent Night

**Author's Note:**

> *Shows up fifteen(ish) days late for a Christmas-themed story with Starbucks* Did I miss anything? 
> 
> The idea of Chewie not being a dog is based off this tumblr post [http://kiwisoap.tumblr.com/post/136020116493/listen-i-know-everyone-loves-making-chewbacca-a]
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars.

 

 

_A Reylo one-shot where Rey and Kylo fight and forgive._

 

 

 

"So she's in a long-term threesome situation?"

Kylo, who was waiting (not hiding) around the corner of the kitchen, sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. He abstractly prayed for a higher power, really anyone who had power and was willing to listen. For some slim chance of hope that this joyous holiday weekend wouldn't end in ruin and fire.

" _Han_!" Leia said before badly holding back a fit of giggles. "It's nothing like that! Finn is her best friend and his boyfriend, Poe, is her other best friend."

"You know, she reminds me a bit of you. Soft and strong."

Leia cooed, and Kylo decided that now was the best chance to cut in for another cup of coffee. If he waited any longer, they would either start arguing how Han didn't love her as much because she'd changed with age in body and soul, or they would start making out on the breakfast nook. Kylo honestly didn't know which one made him want to gag more.

He tried to be quiet, but of course his mother's sharp eyes would catch him as he rounded the corner with slumped shoulders.

"I thought I heard you get in last night!"

Kylo blinked, and then rose a hand in silent greeting. Han only rolled his eyes and lifted his hand as well, as if he was the funny one, and Leia looked at her son with eyes already brimming with tears.

"You never answered my card, and I thought you might not show up," she continued to say, stepping forward to grab one of Kylo's hands with both of hers.

"Like last year, and the one before, and some others before even those," Han said with a heavy frown that made him look older than he actually was. "But, hey! Who's counting?"

Kylo narrowed his eyes, but his anger was cut short when his mother squeezed his hand. He looked down and saw her looking up at him softly, her face still open and loving. No matter what he did it was the same: acceptance and affection.

"I'm busy," Kylo offered roughly, refusing the urge to clear his throat. It was rough from having yet to use it today, so he was just happy it didn't crack.

He'd miraculously slept in an hour past the usual time he got up. It was unsettling how even with years gone, this place calmed his racing mind and nerves.

"Yes, yes- I read about you in _Times_. Or at least all the horrid things your company does in exploitation to gain larger profits. Tell me, does the souls of people work better than rubber on your shoes?"

"Han!" Leia snapped again, this time no lightness in her tone.

Kylo refused the urge to roll his eyes as his 'role model' shrugged his shoulders like he hadn't just questioned his only son's entire existence and company. Like it wasn't impressive to be a CEO for one of the largest, most lucrative companies in America. Kylo had even changed his name to avoid recognition from his mother, and _this_ was the thanks he got.

Kylo had visited for the Christmas holidays when he'd been twenty-three, and that had been the last time he'd visited. The drive from New York to Ithaca wasn't all that bad. It was the headache that came once he arrived home.

And now, as Leia released his hand to whisper furiously at Han, Kylo remembered just why he'd avoided his hometown like a plague. It wasn't like he didn't have better things to do. One of witch was trying to figure out a good excuse so Phasma didn't murder him with her bare hands once he returned. He'd only left a rushed message on her answering feed without giving any detail to his trip, just a: 'I'll be gone for some days. Take care of things. Don't let Hux burn down the building.'

Because for some reason Kylo had lied awake in his bed on the twenty-second and felt a pull to go home. Call it superstition, call it bullshit, but Kylo had always listened to his gut. He'd followed it to bringing his grandfather's business from the ashes; he'd followed it running away from home at the tender age of sixteen with eight-hundred dollars of saved allowance in his pocket and a backpack.

He'd dreamed big of making it in New York. It had taken years, bits of his soul, and the ability to sleep well, but Kylo had made it and if his own father didn't want to see that. Well. He knew he couldn't beat two seemingly impossible feats.

So he brushed by his parents who were still whispering, it now elevated to poking each other, and went to grab a mug. Kylo's heart clenched like it always did when he saw they kept his favorite mug. The one that had been broken, but had been meticulously glued back together.

He filled it, and then went to the main living room to see what might've changed in the years. He'd been too exhausted from the drive and late hour (or early morning) when he'd arrived.

Not much: there was still his horrible scribbles as a kid framed on the walls. The china they never took out. There was a larger TV, and Kylo mused how long it must've taken Leia to convince Han. He was all about keeping old things, no matter how impractical. (Just look at that decrepit Jeep in driveway.)

He went to the large windows, overlooking the backyard and the forests beyond. Kylo had found peace in that forest among all. Especially in winter, with the pines creaking under the weight of snow on their branches. He wondered if the treehouse Han and Chewie had made had held up to the elements all these years.

Kylo crossed an arm over his chest, tucking the mug into the crook of his shoulder before raising it for another sip of coffee. It seemed the more north you got the older it felt. It was bizarre, to see such stillness, when Kylo had accustomed himself to New York. Where shops popped up for a week's time and galleries changed their art seemingly every day by the speed pieces were at times bought. How even the ducks continuously moved about Hyde Park.

"Ben- do you want me to make you something to eat?"

He turned to his mother's voice, who was peering over the doorway to watch him. He wondered just how long she'd stood there studying him as he studied the outside world; her eyes looked a little red. Although that could just be through exasperation at her husband, not from tears at the sight of her only child finally back in his home.

"Oatmeal would suffice."

" _We_ don't even eat oatmeal kid," Han yelled from the kitchen, his hearing not diminishing despite the years. "How about a pop-tart?"

"French toast," Kylo said through grit teeth.

Leia positively lit up at that. Kylo was just glad he hadn't said pancakes, else she'd find a way to craft them into hearts like she had in his youth.

.

Kylo had been relaxing on the couch, taking a moment to breathe and find solace in the room before it was filled with relatives and friends.

He knew without a doubt that Chewie would be coming by like he did every year. There would be his dad's annoying friend Lando, who would attempt to make Kylo more uncomfortable than he already was with his inappropriate jokes. There might even be Uncle Luke, although that was pretty far fetched. He did live on the outskirts of Ireland.

Kylo could only hope that Boba Fett wouldn't come this year. He remembered him dropping by some years as a kid, and how Han had stared at his neighbor in deep contempt. Kylo thought the story secretly hilarious: how Boba had locked Han out after losing at poker. Making him walk the ten miles in the freezing cold to get back to his and Leia's cabin. He'd been nearly frozen solid.

Still, it was tiring seeing his dad get all up-in-arms when he was old. Although it would do the old man good to break a hip or something. Make him realize his own mortality.

There was the sound of displaced gravel, and Kylo put down his book and gave another sigh. He heard the squeak of doors opening next, and frowned at the young voices he heard. He didn't think his parents had any friends outside their age group. Maybe something really had changed since he'd left.

He lied on the couch, listened to three distinct voices, before huffing and standing up. It was better to face a snake then to let it sneak up on you.

Kylo expected his parents to be outside, so when he opened the front door just as someone was reaching a hand forward to knock, he stared at the stranger in shock.

He looked at Kylo; Kylo looked back.

"So- who talks first? You? Me? I'm here for the first time, buddy. I don't have much to say yet," the stranger said before giving such a charming, crooked grin. Kylo barely restrained himself from puking out his breakfast.

Kylo continued staring down at him, and then looked over his shoulder to see the other two. They were busy getting the luggage out, their faces hidden to him.

Silently, Kylo stepped to the side and opened the door wider for the stranger to enter. The man rose an eyebrow at him, smirk lessoning (good), before he gave a salute of all things and trotted inside. Thankfully he wasn't a complete heathen as he took off his boots before continuing in on the carpets.

Kylo waited at the edge of the door, waiting for the other two. It was a girl and boy, both painfully young as they grabbed as many bags as they could handle with white grins.

"Hullo!" the boy said, dark eyes bright in happiness. "Name's Finn. Glad we could visit."

Kylo nodded and waved him in. His dismissive attitude didn't seem to deter the boy, as he gave a nod and walked in. He leaned down to undo his shoelaces, and Kylo turned away from the disgustingly-thoughtful act to the last of the three.

Unlike the first two she approached cautiously, eyes trailing up his entire frame a couple times before landing on his face. Kylo refused the urge to flinch, or seem affected at all by her gaze. He had learned through hard work and endless hours how to school his voice and face into nothing.

"Is this the Solo residence?" she asked, voice unexpectedly rough for such a soft face.

Kylo nodded and waved for her to enter. She hesitated for a moment, and Kylo wondered if he'd have to kidnap her into the cabin, before she took the steps necessary to enter. Kylo immediately shut the door with more force than necessary, causing the three to turn and look at him in a start.

He didn't give a reason, and didn't give them directions as he went into the kitchen. Standing in the doorframe waiting for them had made the tips of his fingers numb; he needed coffee. He'd settle for tea if his parents had already finished the pot.

Kylo heard his mother's voice exclaim welcomes and such, making him lower his shoulders a fraction in relief. He didn't want to deal with three wayward ducklings. Knowing the responsibility had been passed on, he returned to the couch and his book, settling his mug on the floor. Usually he wouldn't, but Chewie wasn't here yet to bump and break everything his massive frame might glance.

It was only a few minutes later when there was noise and the distant murmur of voices in the kitchen. Kylo glanced at his mug sitting quiet on the hardwood floors. He might just have to take it into his room. He wasn't going to allow any of these odd, mysterious visitors the allowance to use it.

"Ben, honey, why don't you come meet your cousin?"

Kylo nearly dropped his book at that. Because: _cousin_? He'd been explicitly close to Uncle Luke for years before he'd run off, and only now he was learning the old hermit had decided to pass his genes along? It made him feel doubtful, and also curious as to _which one_ was the cousin. 

"Ah good! You put down that disgusting book."

"It's just a biography of Vlad the Impaler," Kylo said with a slight frown. "He was an important figure in history."

"For what? Being the inspiration to create the ever-eternal villain of Dracula?"

The man who'd first spoken to him at the door had said that, the same bouncing tone to his joke. Kylo prayed once again to anything that could listen that _he_ wasn't his cousin.

"Alright, so Ben, this is Finn and Poe. Then there's little Rey, who just recently moved here all the way from England."

From the United Kingdom, meaning where Uncle Luke now lived, meaning _she_ was the cousin. Yet she didn't have any striking similarity to Luke, other than her eyes were somewhat greenish. Luke was all boundless energy and mysterious phrases, but she appeared silent and simple.

"Let me guess," Kylo said with a sigh. "Cornell?"

"We all go there, actually," Poe spoke again.

Kylo looked at the gray just approaching Poe's temples, and then rose an eyebrow in silent question. The obvious look and intention had the desired effect: Poe's easy attitude seemed to sour a bit as his mouth turned down in a frown. Finn took a step forward and tucked his hand in Poe's.

"Can I go now?" Kylo asked, turning to Leia with an impassivity that impressed even him.

"Dinner's in an hour," she said as she tugged his shirt, straightening it like a tie. "Don't be late wandering in the woods or something."

Kylo nodded, and then left the three strangers he'd apparently be living with for the next few days. If he'd known that these idiots were going to show, he might've just ignored the pull and stayed in his apartment like holidays past. But then again- maybe they would be a good distraction for his parents. So he could figure out just what had made his chest ache enough to return.

.

It appeared to be a harmless, defenseless lump of some sort of grayish-brown gelatin. Kylo pocked it with a fork, it jiggled, and he poked it again before Leia slapped his hand away.

"Stop that," she chastised in a harsh whisper. "Rey and Finn are vegetarians and I thought I'd try something new."

"Oh, this is new alright," Han said, not bothering to hide his grimace like his son. "Probably because no one was stupid enough to actually make it until now. Where times are hard and people are trying to make money any way they can."

"I'm sorry to be such a bother," Finn mumbled before ducking his head, as if to try and disappear.

"Nonsense!" Poe said with a great laugh and pat on his shoulder, his hand staying there to grip onto the fabric. "I have to suffer through you two's dietary choices all the time. Others should as well!"

"A holiday treat indeed," Han said, sulking.

Kylo turned to the other kind-hearted-vegetarian-soul and saw Rey staring at her plate. Even if he couldn't see it, and he'd only met her once, he could already imagine her hands in fists at her knees. Not as vocal about her embarrassment as Finn, but feeling it more fiercely.

Knowing that someone had to break the tension, Kylo closed his eyes for a moment before reaching forward and spearing one of the pre-cut pieces. It wobbled a bit as he held it up, before it landed on his plate with a resounding smack.

"I didn't know you were a masochist as well as evil," Han mumbled, and then yelped when Leia elbowed him in his side enough to make him winded.

Kylo chewed the foreign food slowly, before swallowing. He shrugged, and then went about getting the other dishes splayed about. He caught Rey's eyes for a moment, which was easy since she was blatantly staring at him. But when his eyes caught her light ones, she glanced away and busied herself with piling her plate with way too many green beans than necessary.

Dinner was fine enough, conversation mostly centered around the three's opinions on Cornell and the town in general. Afterwards Kylo sat in the kitchen as Leia taught Rey and Finn how to make various christmas cookies. Han and Poe were in the living room reminiscing over pilot days, or whatever those thick-headed people talked about. They were probably smoking cigars and contemplating heating up the hot tub.

"These were always Ben's very favorite," Leia said in a gush, taking Kylo out of his book. "On Christmas night he'd sneak out of his room and eat them on the plate, and then marvel in the morning how Santa must've really liked them. Thought himself so clever."

Kylo sighed before looking up, and watched as Leia brought out a massive Tupperware of cookie cutters. Some had spots of rust, others were bright and shiny and never used. But Kylo could pick out the star.

His eyes were on the cutter, so he started when Rey's hand was the one to pick out his favorite. It was dented, the metal stained dark from greasy dough and years of use. Her hands that looked so fragile and thin straightened the dents to make the lines straight on the five-pointed star.

Kylo went back to his book, silent as the three chatted about everything and nothing. Leia asked how classes were going, and Finn's voice was loud in excitement about him deciding to declare as an art major. Rey didn't say what her major was.

She actually didn't talk all that much at all, almost as quiet as Kylo. Every time Kylo glanced up to see just how much longer he'd have to wait, she had her head down and eyes on her work.

Kylo only waited long enough for the first batch of cookies. They would be making others: ginger snaps, sugar, chocolate chip- and probably some weird ones Leia wanted to experiment. But Kylo only cared about the gingerbread cookies. So he grabbed a few in his hand and strolled out, carless about leaving crumbs as he snacked away.

.

When he was young, Ben was notoriously horrid at waking up in time to get to school without being late. For many mornings, it was only through Han's creative (read: Dangerous and Deadly) driving methods that Ben wasn't drowned in tardy slips.

But that changed when he ran away to New York. When he finally found a hole of an apartment, he had to take the subway for nearly an hour to get to the building he worked in. It meant he had to wake up early only to sit in a tight metal tube with a bunch of strangers.

Once Kylo had enough money, he hired a car and never went back to that underground hell. When he had even more money, he bought himself a car that was seldom used.

While he'd left behind the subway and jostling elbows, Kylo had never been able to get rid of waking up early. Although that didn't say much, as he'd learned right away to go without much sleep. To try and do the impossible and follow after the city that never slept.

He enjoyed it in a way: seeing the city in as much stasis as it would offer. People slow on the sidewalks, waking up as the sun peaked over the mountain range of buildings. Kylo enjoyed that time alone for just himself.

It was a tad shocking, then, when Kylo looked up to some noise and saw the girl walk into the kitchen panting with sweat patterning her shirt. She had a jacket still dusted with snow in her arms, red coloring in her cheeks.

Rey glanced up, and when their eyes met she stopped like a deer. Kylo quickly looked away, breaking the spell and allowing her to scamper off. He heard the pipes creak and the sound of water falling in the shower.

She appeared not fifteen minutes later, hair damp and smelling faintly of magnolias. Her skin was unusually tan for it being winter and her being british. She walked around the kitchen barefooted, as if she enjoyed having cold feet.

"If you want coffee, make more. That last cup in there is mine," Kylo spoke, surprised at how rough his voice sounded. Usually he had no one to talk to for the first few hours after waking: he'd forgotten to clear his throat.

Rey nodded, but instead of making more coffee like Kylo had been secretly hoping for, she moved around to make tea. She put honey in it instead of sugar. Of course- no wonder Han loved her to death already. She was eccentric and cool like his father.

She moved to sit across of him, not at the opposite end of the table. Kylo didn't immediately look up from his book (a second one; he'd finished the first one brought last night), but after some minutes of her looking at him he finally looked up.

He must've looked somewhat fearsome, because Rey noticeably jumped in her seat and turned back to her tea with her ears turning red. She fiddled with the string of the tea bag; she'd allowed it to steep for a good amount of time already.

"What?" Kylo asked, trying to pitch his voice to 'non-threatening.' He didn't especially like her, but she was quieter and more considerate than her friends.

"Leia and Han always talk about you, but I never really imagined you to look the way you do."

"Sorry to be such a disappointment," Kylo stated blandly. "If you want a sympathetic ear to your plight, I'd recommend going to my father."

"It's not-" Rey looked up, voice light but words jumbled. "I suppose it's because I've really only seen pictures of you as a boy. I didn't realize you were already so old."

"A disappointment and decrepit with age. Aren't you perfect at flattery? I hope you're not majoring in business."

"Engineering," Rey managed to choke out, as if desperately hoping to change the subject.

Kylo almost felt bad for her, stumbling and ears turning increasingly crimson (but with more annoyance now). But as many people yelled or wrote about: he was merciless, perfect at making evil look suave.

And Leia had explained quietly what she knew of Rey's backstory: how she was a relative of their grandfather's friend. How she'd been abandoned, forgotten for years living on nothing until Luke had taken her in. So she really _wasn't_ his cousin.

"So you're the granddaughter or whatnot from my Grandfather's war friend," Kylo said, closing his book and crossing his fingers over the hard cover. "It would explain the accent."

"Luke raised me," Rey said defiantly.

"Calling your parent by his first name. How progressive," Kylo said with a snort, leaning back in his chair to cross his arms over his chest. "Every time I try that, Mom cuffs me."

Rey looked away, and Kylo marveled at what almost looked like a frown on her pretty face. So far she'd only had dull emotions flit over it, mostly in reaction to Finn or Leia. To see such a strong, angry expression made Kylo sit up a bit straighter.

"Oh- hit a nerve, did I? I'm guessing that Uncle Luke really wasn't that involved in your growth. Let me guess: boarding schools? Loneliness?"

Rey turned to him, and Kylo almost smiled at the fire in her eyes.

"You're not very nice," she snapped.

"Don't get very far with kindness in these old Eastern parts," Kylo said with a shrug. "Especially with that accent of yours. It's not exotic, it's unwanted."

"I suppose it's the same when dealing with oil companies," Rey said with a snarl.

"Ah, my reputation proceeds me," Kylo said smoothly. "It's such a crutch to be famous sometimes."

Rey fully turned to face him, and then stood in a start. She took her cup (her tea must be getting cold now) and went back to the kitchen. Kylo watched as she took out the bag, and then added cream. She gave him one last nasty look before straightening her shoulders and walking away.

"I would've thought you'd had enough from this morning," Kylo said in a drawl, opening his book back up, "But it seems you just can't resist running away."

Even with his eyes trained on lines of text, he saw her stiffen at the doorframe. She stood like a statue for a long moment before she shook her head and left.

Leia made pancakes for when everyone managed to get up. Kylo himself went for some orange juice and fruit, but he watched as Rey over everyone else inhaled the calorie-rich food. She added enough syrup to drown Chewie.

.

While sitting around the breakfast table (and Kylo fending off Chewie's attempts to stack pancakes on his bowl of apple slices and grapes), Leia asked what everyone might want to do for Christmas Eve. There were some small hikes, or they could go to the lake, maybe find a place to ice skate.

Kylo was trying to be impassive, but if it came to the last option, he was going to argue. As grudging as it was to admit, he wasn't the most _graceful_ on ice.

"How about we show you a tour of Cornell?" Finn asked, and Kylo just knew he was one who was always excited to share anything with anyone.

"Yeah, I've never been there before," Kylo couldn't help but say.

"No, that sounds lovely!" Leia said, shooting her son a dark look that he pleaded ignorant of. "It's always great to see a school through the student's eyes. Luke had such a lovely time going there, and we'd so hoped that Ben-"

"Where are those abdominal sweaters you get us every year?" Kylo interrupted stiffly.

Leia blinked before clapping her hands and getting up in a hurry.

"Smart move," Han said with a heavy nod.

Kylo shrugged; it was the only thing he could think of that would distract her enough from him. While he wasn't especially secretive about his past, he'd rather his mom not getting downtrodden during her favorite time of year.

Leia handed over a soft package to each person, and Kylo frowned at the dust on top of his. He realized in a jolt that it was because she'd had it wrapped years ago, just waiting for the opportunity for him to come home and wear. It made Kylo's chest feel tight at the dedication his mom had for him.

Everyone else's were bright colors and patterns, with reindeer and poinsettias aplenty. Kylo honestly had no idea which thrift stores Leia visited to get such heinous knit wear.

When he opened his, he took a moment to blink, and then spread the sweater on the table. It was nearly entirely black, with only a discrete red geometric pattern curving with the neck line; there was some of the same patterning around sleeves' ends.

"Do you like it?" Leia asked gently next to him, reaching a hand out to rest against his wrist.

Kylo blinked at the sweater, and then down to his smiling mother. He almost wanted to flip his hand over, take hers in his and give a faint squeeze. Instead he tightened his grip on the fabric.

"It'll do," he said.

He looked up at the others, as Poe enthusiastically put on a sweater primarily orange of all things, to Chewie who was roaring his delight at Han, to Rey who was delicately running a hand over her sweater that was almost all green, the only color being the red in holly berries at the neck.

With everyone in their festive gear, they clamored into two cars. Kylo's was entirely impractical, as it only seated two in the sleek car, so Han volunteered to drive. Leia offered to drive the second one, and Kylo immediately chose to sit shotgun with her.

Poe and Finn went with Han, but Rey sat in the back of the compact SUV. She looked gleeful, every few minutes pulling at the hem of her sweater or looking down to appreciate the patterns and colors. Kylo supposed the lining of pines at the hem of her sweater was crafty.

It took nearly forty minutes for them to get to the college, a mixed result form how far the cabin was from the center of Ithaca, and in part from the snow. It had lightened up since this morning, but unlike Han who was probably already there, Leia took care while driving. She also took care to sing along to every Christmas song on the radio. Kylo grit his teeth at the lyrics, but Rey at times offered her higher voice for choruses.

The tour really wasn't anything Kylo hadn't seen before. But there was something peaceful about nearly all the students gone for the holidays, the snow untouched as it covered every available surface. There were barely any footprints about, and Kylo almost felt like smiling at the crunching of new snow under his boots.

The three took turns pointing at buildings and giving little anecdotes; Leia and Han at times contributed their own. Rey's was enraptured with any story of Luke, especially ones with his advisor and good friend Professor Yoda. While Leia and Han didn't have a perfect past, they'd never been excessively secretive about it to Kylo. Rey seemed eager, almost desperate for information about her foster father.

It was all going swell, until they went into the student union. The few students that were here looked up at their entrance, first giggling at their sweaters and then training their eyes on Kylo with lowering eyebrows and widening frowns.

 _Great_.

Kylo was entirely accustomed to dealing with hecklers and generally-angry people in New York. They were part of the charm of the place, a national landmark to stare and wonder over. But here, on Christmas Eve with his family and their friends about, he wished to avoid confrontation. It got tiring, and they were always so boring with their accusations.

Sure enough, two girls stood up from their table and made their way over. Kylo wished Finn would _hurry up_ and order his hot chocolate already. When it was clear the confrontation would be unavoidable, Kylo took a few steps away from the group to meet the girls.

"Your company's agenda and methods are barbaric and disgusting," one of the girls hissed.

"Thank you," Kylo answered cooly.

"The actions your company conducts in the shadows, all for black sludge and your precious money-"

"It is a lucrative business to get into. You might even manage to pay off your student loans before you turn forty."

"Why should you be able to enjoy the holiday season when you're helping to ruin our country," the other girl finally voiced in a whine.

"Nobody's perfect," Kylo said, voice dead.

He turned, and thankfully it appeared Finn had his hot chocolate. They were actually all standing about at the entrance, staring at Kylo like he was an endangered animal in a zoo. Turning back to the girls, he gave them each a cold stare before turning with a flick of his coat.

"Maybe you do take after me in some ways," Han said as they walked out of the cafe.

Kylo turned back to see the two girls were watching him go, and at his glance back, they lifted their middle fingers. Han bursted into laughter at his side, and Kylo nearly missed a step when the older man lifted a hand to slap his shoulder.

"You might just be my son after all."

.

By this time everyone was a little hesitant to continue walking around in the cold. The snow had let up even more, so it was barley a dusting, but Poe argued they just _had_ to visit Northstar House before going back to the house.

Han said that it was fine, as long as they only got appetizers and not full meals. Leia would be making a massive early dinner like every Christmas Eve in the past, and it wouldn't be good to ruin their appetites. Leia frowned, and said not to get too comfortable else she might just give him the bones.

They walked to the bar quick enough, and Kylo couldn't help but look around in something akin to wonderment. The last time he'd been inside, he'd snuck a swallow of Han's beer and nearly spewed it everywhere in shock. He'd only been fourteen.

Kylo was a little surprised when he learned that Rey couldn't drink, and then nearly fumbled with his menu when Finn stated proudly that soon she'd be turning twenty, and then it was only a year after that. She'd seemed older with her long stares and silences.

Han was happy about it, because it automatically meant one DD down, and Finn offered to be the other. So Han and Poe went to the bar to grab everyone age-appropriate their first drinks. Chewie reached forward for some straws, and then classically blew the paper wrappings in Kylo's face.

When the two ex-pilots returned, Kylo raised an eyebrow as a glass was slid his way. He hadn't drunk in years (because alcohol muddled your brain, and he needed his best weapon sharp), but it smelled of coffee and had an attractive dark coloring to it.

"Coffee stout," Poe said as he brought his own glass closer to him. "Thought you'd like it by how much coffee you drank this morning."

Kylo was tempted to simply pour it on the floor, to show just what he thought of Poe trying to be friendly with him, but it did smell delicious. And when he took a sip it was smooth, prompting him to take a larger swallow.

They ended up getting a basket of fries, but Chewie was too fast for most of them to get more than one or two. Han and Poe went to get a second round, but Kylo was content to slowly finish the other half of his first drink. He'd have to look at the tap menu before he left, to find the name for the brew.

"How about we go to that ice cream place before we head back? It's way better than here," Finn complained. "You got to have your treat. Let me and Rey have something nice, too."

"You're so adorable sometimes," Poe said with a laugh, throwing a hand around Finn's shoulder to bring him closer to his side. Kylo stiffened at the show of affection. Even if he wasn't involved in it, he'd never been one for hugs.

"Ben's lactose intolerant," Han supplied roughly, before snickering in his beer. "It made him pout like no other child I've seen at birthday parties."

Kylo didn't raise to the bait, and only took another drink.

"They have soy options," Finn offered pathetically.

They did end up going, and Kylo stood at the side and waited for them to finish ordering. Even with only one beer, his head was already a little fuzzy. He kept getting distracted by watching the falling snow outside.

"You should've gotten something," Rey said as she came to stand by him. "The one I got is dairy free."

Kylo looked away from the white world down to her, and looked at the small cup in her hand. It was green, and before Rey could say anything, Kylo grabbed the small spoon in its side and grabbed a bite. He quietly approved of the green tea taste.

When he looked back down, Rey was giving him a quizzical look.

"You could've asked me to get you a spoon. You stole mine," she said.

Kylo shrugged, and then reached forward to grab another bite. She maneuvered it out of his way, eyebrows lowering in warning.

"Get your own if you like it so much."

"I just like stealing from other people, that's all."

Rey snorted at that, looking back up at him. She tilted her head, as if really trying to solve him like some Sudoku puzzle. It gave Kylo the opportunity to reach forward and grab another spoonful.

.

The house Kylo grew up in wasn't small or cozy like other cabins in the area. True, there was still acres and acres of forest, but it'd taken enough sweat to uproot the trees for a large enough space. There were pictures of Han, Chewie and Luke puffing away while Leia, four months pregnant and already showing in her delicate figure, watched with a frown. Not because of their work methods, but because all three had agreed she couldn't help.

The cabin wasn't finished by the time Ben Solo came into the world, red and screaming, but Han hurried along for it to be mostly completed when his son was only a couple months old. At first there had only been one bedroom, but then Han added a second, third and fourth.

Kylo always wondered why. Did they expect to have more children, but never got around to it because he'd been such a hassle from the very start? Was it in expectation of Han's friends constantly over? Was it just to feel a sense of security at having a larger house?

Regardless, two of the rooms were designated for guest bedrooms. In all honesty he was surprised Han hadn't retaliated and stripped all his posters off the walls and made it into an exercise room or office. He probably hadn't out of laziness: Han already had the shed, he didn't need more space.

Now, as Kylo walked through the halls, toes curling against a thick oriental rug, he thought of how his parents had used their wealth wisely. Leia had been a famous model and one-time actress in her time before deciding 'to hell with her body' and having a son. Han had been similar in fame, but more to do with his carpenter (some argued sculptor) hands. He always joked how it'd be too dangerous to have his face in showbiz when he was already married. Tempt not, want not.

Kylo's eye caught at the room that used to be self-designated as Chewie's. But Kylo recognized that bright turquoise jacket Rey had been wearing this morning, now hung up to dry out the melted snow at the shoulders.

Kylo glanced in either direction of the hallway, but knew he was safe. The three had just left for a small walk about the property with Leia and Han. Kylo could creep for a moment.

His footsteps were barely audible as he walked in, glancing around the room that still mostly looked to be in Leia's decorative taste. But there were a few upstarts, and Kylo rose an eyebrow at the plants that lined the windowsill.

There were six in total, all in various chipped ceramic pots that looked ready to be thrown out. Two were spearmints that looked like plants from the same source. Then there was a cactus with a solitary red bloom, two succulents, and lastly what looked to be thyme.

Kylo reached out, feeling one of the smooth and cool petals of the red bloom.

These plants obviously weren't his mother's- she'd never allow such run down pots when Han could make her more in a couple week's time. So that could only mean Rey had taken them with her. For a short four night trip? She could've left them alone and unwatered for such a small span of days.

Kylo's eyes were brought away from the green when he saw the doll on the bed. He got an unpleasant shiver, feeling like a thief at the sight.

It was something akin to looking through another person's journal at how heartbreakingly personal it seemed. One of its button eyes was missing, the limbs tattered and dirty. It was so loved that Kylo felt a pang of helplessness he hadn't since he was still learning to ignore the world.

Through seeing such possessions it was clear Rey wasn't the same as him. She let the world in, allowed herself the luxury of attachment to materialistic goods. Kylo didn't delusion himself with the same beliefs.

Kylo turned on his heel in a start, and looked to see Chewie at the doorframe watching. His arms were crossed, one of his bushy eyebrows high on his forehead.

He should offer some sort of excuse: there was a bug. He thought he'd seen a bird hit the glass and had come in to investigate. Instead Kylo remained silent as he left the room.

Chewie behind him gave a growling laugh, rushing forward to rub his knuckle's against the top of Kylo's head. It hadn't been cute when he was five, and it certainly wasn't cute now as he hissed for his father's weird foreign life-buddy to fuck off.

 

.

Christmas Eve was when friends were invited over, and only halfway through Kylo was ready to crack. Lando hadn't been all that bad, although his 'winning smile' hadn't seemed to work all that well on Rey. She just looked at him in confusion while Han laughed.

There were a few others, who glared at Kylo for showing his face here for the holidays. The story of him running away, worrying his parent's sick, succeeding but not making those who knew him proud- he was a distant figure in New York. Coming home made him real, not just a shadow in a shady company, which made people uncomfortable.

When it was time for dessert, Kylo got up in the pretense of helping Leia, and instead slipped out the front door and then around to the forest. Here it was Robert Frost's words come to life, and it was here that Kylo took a peaceful breath in. He let it out, savoring the sting of cold in his lungs.

He walked aimlessly, stuffing his gloved hands deep into his coat's pockets. He had the hood up, but he wished he had a mask to block out the cold on his face. He could feel his nose start to numb, and his lips dry out. But this world was too perfect, too peaceful to turn away. There was only a long line of strangers at the dinner table to return to anyway.

Kylo spotted a recently felled tree, and made his way through the thick snow to it. He pushed aside some of the snow on the trunk, making a spot big enough for him to sit on. It might make his coat a bit wet, but he was filthy rich. He could afford a new one if this one got ruined by such a small inconvenience.

There was no bird song, not even the incessant cawing of crows. It was quiet enough that Kylo was sure he'd hear even the more careful deer walk. He found himself grudgingly agreeing with the term 'Winter Wonderland.'

His eyes searched around him, watching stray flakes that filtered through the pine's branches without getting stuck. He should be scared, nervous to be out in such a quiet place after spending endless days and cluttered hours in New York.

Instead, Kylo felt a deep sense of calm. And wondered why it'd taken him so long to return.

He was only brought back to awareness from a branch snapping somewhere to his left. It sounded like something thrashing through the haven, and Kylo wondered mildly if it was a bear. But black bears were rare, and calmer. A stray moose, angry at his scent? He might be a little fucked then.

But when the creature showed its face, it was only little Rey. She was making so much noise because she had a thick stick in her hand, hitting every trunk she came across with a fast swing. Her head was down, and he realized in a start that she'd followed his footsteps here.

Her eyes met his, and Kylo felt his fingers tighten into fists. Her eyes were bright green, a piece of spring in this world of ice and cold. She made her way over to him noisily, boots kicking up the snow in her hurry to get to him.

Sensing something was amiss, Kylo fumbled around him for something to protect himself. He'd seen that look in protestors at his building before. But instead of eggs, she was armed with a stick and Kylo really needed- _ah_. He grabbed at the fallen branch.

Rey was almost upon him when he stood, holding the stick out in front of him to protect against her sudden onslaught. He nearly stumbled over the log at the force of her blow, but managed to steady his footing in the snow to remain standing.

She blinked in shock, maybe at herself or maybe at Kylo defending himself, but she reconnected to her anger fast enough when Kylo pushed her forward and away. Rey moved away to start circling him like a lioness, trained and able to injure even without her friends to flank and support her. Then she came at him again, stick raised and teeth bared.

Kylo was still in a state of shock for her attacking him so suddenly and viciously, and he found he didn't have much time to question it. She came at him with fast attacks, but he was taller and sturdier. Still, she was successfully wailing on him, and also _whaling_ on him in how she really wanted to harpoon him with that stick's end.

"Why do you push your family away?" she yelled, no wind to break the harsh tone of the words. " _How can you not care?!_ "

Kylo was silent, mostly because of the surprise at her sudden ferocity. She'd seemed so passive, even when he'd been snitching her ice cream. She schooled her expressions just like him, but now she had a snarl akin to a wolf with rabies.

She took a moment to back away, to breathe, and Kylo took a moment to think on Uncle Luke. How he had shown Ben Solo care, but was always gone on his philanthropy trips. How Ben would wait by the window for him to come home, only to fall asleep and miss him. By the time he woke in the morning Luke would already be gone.

It must be hard for Rey, who'd only known the man for a small part of her life but was desperate to know her savior. What had it been before? Had she looked at the stars like him on the streets of New York, wishing to be somewhere else? To be someone else?

"They asked about you, were worried about where you'd gone. _That's_ _all I've every wanted_ ," she choked out, hair sticking to her forehead and cheeks. "I want someone to notice when I'm gone, to wonder when I'll get back. Or if they should go searching for me."

Kylo lowered his weapon, chest rising and falling as he watched her. Her knuckles were white, the grip on the wood looking nearly painful and ready to tear skin. It seemed silly that she should be so mad at something so simple, but Kylo had learned to look long ago. To look at potential business partners, or employees, and find what made them. Found what held them together so he knew their weakness. To know which wrench he could throw if the time ever came to destroy them.

Rey was painfully obvious: the plants, the old doll, the way she held delusions of low self-worth even with Uncle Luke and her two friends. Kylo never thought he'd meet another person lonelier than him, but here she was. A simple girl of nineteen with a pretty face and fiery temper.

And here they were: standing in the snow, fighting with sticks like two children.

Kylo threw his branch down and looked at her with defiant eyes.

Rey surprised him once again by rushing forward, and hitting him directly across the face.

.

Kylo was hiding in his childhood treehouse, face and ego soar, when Leia climbed up and joined him. Kylo had his legs hanging over the edge like the stupid child he felt like, and his parent followed suit. Her legs seemed stumpy and small in comparison to his.

"What did you used to call this place?"

"Starkiller," Kylo mumbled.

He remembered the reason, but again refused to explain it. Of how it manifested from his first night sleeping out here, and how the roof cut off the stars above. It transformed the bright sky into a dull black ceiling, a black hole in the middle of an endless sky and climbing pines.

There was silence again, and Kylo looked over to realize she was shivering. Without a word he took off his thick jacket and put it over her shoulders. It blocked the bright patterns of her sweater, but Leia relaxed and stopped shivering.

They sat some more minutes in silence, before his mother once again broke it.

"I wish you could've met my father. Your grandfather," she said gently. "I didn't know him much myself, as Luke and I were raised by different families until we were about Rey's age. Then he somehow wanted to be in our lives."

Kylo looked over, marveling at why she was talking about him now. It was an unspoken subject, like the cat Kylo had as a child but had been hit by a car before it turned two. Of how Han still wore the same type of clothes in his youth, as if to perpetuate his carefree attitude. Of how Chewie's actual name was Chewbacca but no one called him that. Much less how he'd met Han and decided to stay with him for the rest of their natural lives.

"It was rough. Three strangers suddenly thrown together to live together. He and Luke used to bicker loud enough for the neighbors to call the police," she continued. "He was still hurting, over his lost wife. Over the war. And then Luke had to be stubborn, try to help carve the turkey one Christmas, and ended up getting his hand cut and amputated. It was hard to resell the house years later with blood still in the floor boards."

Kylo was amazed when his polite and proper mom burst into a laugh, and he couldn't help but give a huff of amusement of his own. That anecdote he'd heard, because it was both crazy and funny, and so safe to talk about.

"He'd wanted to do it all by himself. I think Anakin learned after that, when Luke left the hospital with one less hand, that he didn't have to anymore. That we could help him."

Leia sighed, and used her hands to tuck the coat tighter against her frame.

"Didn't do much good. We learned about his terminal cancer a few months later. He died only a year after we'd been introduced to him. I went into modeling, and Luke went and joined the Peace Core. When my brother bothered to come home and attend college I was famous and always gone. It was only through coming back for a year, of meeting Han through Luke, that made me stay. But now Luke's off again. It seems we always miss each other's orbits."

She turned to him, lifted a hand to sit against the side of his face.

"You're so like my father, Ben. Thinking you have to take everything on your shoulders, thinking you have to become someone hard and harsh. To put on a suit of armor because the world hurts you. Because you think your true self would die in this harsh world. Living in that rat-infested city definitely doesn't help. Nor does having such an open face as you."

Her fingers moved to run along the angry red line Rey's stick had made when it connected with his face. He'd used his phone's screen to check it; it looked worse than it was. But it still looked bad, and was why he'd decided to sulk alone.

"Rey isn't all that different from you. You feel too much, and she's afraid to feel too little. So you two should make up, and not only because it's Christmas. Don't chase her away."

"Fine," Kylo huffed, surprised at how rough his voice sounded.

Leia gave him a smile that made her eyes crinkle at the edges. She returned his coat before climbing back down the planks nailed in the trunk and used as a ladder.

Kylo watched her colorful form slowly disappear into the world of white.

.

Despite his words with his mom, Kylo was stubborn about wanting to sleep out here tonight. The mattress he'd hauled out was gone, no doubt scurried away in parts by raccoons and squirrels for their own nests. It would be hard on the wood, but not the worst place Kylo had ever slept.

Let them worry. Let that girl worry, especially after the blow she'd given him. He was sure the itching in his face wasn't from the blow only. There was probably a splinter or two from the rough wood.

But warming his pride meant cold toes and waking up on Christmas in a half-rotten wooden box. No matter what people said, Kylo wasn't a monster to himself.

So he walked back, shoulders hunched and hands once again deep in his pockets. His hood was down, but it felt good to feel the wind on his ears and through his hair. His nose was already numb, and when he stretched his face in a grimace, his cheeks felt tight.

He looked up and found Orion was over halfway across the sky. If the constellation had already made so much of its journey it was late indeed. At least everyone would've gone home by now.

Kylo walked out from the trees, shaking his hair out from any drifting snow as he walked across the lawn. He looked up to a golden light, and stopped in his tracks. Because the light was coming from Rey's room, and there she was in the window. Her chin sat on her crossed forearms as she watched him.

It had been a long time since Kylo had felt indecision, but he stood still. The moment felt longer than all the time he'd spent in the treehouse brooding. When he did finally take a step more forward, Rey seemed to wake. She turned and sat up, moving out of sight before the light was switched off.

Kylo remained standing and staring, the antithesis of a romantic Romeo. Because Romeo had been delusional with desire and lust, and what Kylo felt was a bit more complicated. It was the confusion at his own feelings that he latched onto, using it to shake him out of his haze to walk the rest of the way to the house.

.

Kylo woke up groggy on Christmas morning, feeling like something furry had died on his tongue. Confused, as he hadn't drunk more than that one beer, he tried to move his tongue, and found that it didn't feel _like_ hair. It _was_ hair.

Groaning, Kylo opened his eyes and saw only gold, before he reflexively pushed Chewie out of his bed. The man gave a great bellow from the floor, eyebrows furrowed and beard doing nothing to hide his grimace.

" _Out_! I'm not four anymore, needing protection from the monsters!"

Chewie tried to give him the puppy-eyes, but Kylo had worked up a tolerance through the years. Kylo stood in a huff, and then made Chewie stand up. He ushered the taller man towards the door, muttering the entire time.

"And put some clothes on," Kylo ordered as Chewie went back to his own room. "No matter how much hair you have, it's still obviously you're shirtless."

Kylo sighed, rubbed his eyes, and then turned to a cough. It had come from Finn, who was now hacking and dribbling white foam. Poe, who was also brushing his teeth, had a manic grin on his face.

Deciding a disinterested look was the best way to go, Kylo turned back to his bedroom and shut the door. He needed to get his hair under control and run a lint-roller over his black holiday sweater.

When he entered the kitchen, Poe and Finn had their heads down with Han. At the sight of Kylo, his dad blinked before bursting into bright laughter. Rey and Leia, who'd been talking near the stove, looked over with startled looks.

"Chewie hasn't worried about you like that in years!" Han said as he approached Kylo, reaching out and squeezing his shoulder lightly. "You must've really scared him with your stunt last night."

Kylo opened his mouth to let snark flow free, but then he looked over to Chewie's large eyes, how he worried his hands in front of him. For being such a massive, uncommunicative pain in the ass, he'd been Ben's first friend. Ben's _only_ friend. He really wasn't that bad of a guy.

"Sorry, Chewie," Kylo said in a sigh as he shook off Han's grip to walk over to the man. Even though Kylo wasn't short at 6'3", Chewie still dwarfed him. He made Kylo feel a year away from ten instead of thirty when he was lifted up in a hug.

When he was put down, Kylo noted Finn and Poe's stunned faces for the second time that day (maybe he should make it a drinking game), and then to Leia as she lowered her phone. Of course she'd want to take evidence.

Rey, however, had a soft smile on her face. But when Kylo met her eyes, she looked away, and her smile deteriorated into indifference.

"Alright! Now that the dark prince of night is awake," Han said jovially, walking back up again and bringing Kylo into another (even more dreaded) group hug between Chewie. "Let's get those stockings and eggnog out, huh?"

Kylo hadn't allowed much time to get presents for his parents, so he'd sent one of his many assistants to get things. Then Kylo had fired the idiot over the stupidly chosen presents, returned the chains of diamonds and gold watch, and then went to find them actual parents. He'd gotten one for Chewie, too, of course.

But he'd had no idea of the three others coming to visit. He probably would've had a heads-up if he'd actually read he invite his mother had sent him. He was lucky that she was stubborn about having it here every year. He could've driven all the way here, never knowing they'd decided to go to Florida or Hawai'i for the holiday.

Not that Kylo was worried over it, but when he turned to look at the tree it was overflowing with gaudily wrapped packages. Clearly Leia and Chewie had thought ahead and simply gotten more presents for everyone.

The stockings were mostly full of silly gifts, which Poe cackled over. Finn seemed to be getting slightly annoyed at his boyfriend's antics. Poe quieted quick enough when he uncovered the bar of chocolate and began stuffing it into his mouth.

Kylo went through his little gifts with little thought or care, but when he pulled out the last item in his red stocking, he nearly smiled. Because Leia had remembered to give him a pomegranate, just like every year as far as his memory went back to.

With the appetizers out of the way, they took a slight break to make drinks and gather more cookies. Leia must've made more last night, and Kylo nearly felt a pang of guilt. She'd always been a stress-baker.

Then Finn and Chewie were darting between the tree and everyone, dividing up the presents in one massive go. Once everything was put in seven neat piles, everyone began tearing at the shining paper and bows.

Kylo noted, again, that some of his presents had a film of dust over them. The wrapping didn't match with most of the others, and some were even dull. Again, he was reminded on how he hadn't come home for the holidays in over half a decade. He refused to entertain the idea of guilt again, and so began opening them as well.

He got a second sweater, this one bright red and made with thick yarn. It looked a tad domestic for his tastes, but it also looked warm. There was a good amount of books, most he'd already read. But some he hadn't, and he put those aside for later. Then there were four ceramic mugs, and Kylo nearly snorted at Han's bald attempt to get him over that broken cup he still favored above all.

After those thoughtful gifts, there were the wild-card presents that must've been from the three. There was a 'Cornell Polo' shirt that Kylo decided to burn later. Then there was a bottle of hair gel, and again Kylo heard Poe and Finn giggling. He barely resisted the urge to roll his eyes when he got a tiara.

But his hands stilled when he grabbed a small, rectangular present. It was small, akin in size to most of his stocking presents. He shook it, regressing back to a nervous kid. There was no rattle, but the box already held a comfortable weight.

He slid his fingers along the tape, not clawing the paper into shreds like Chewie did. The wrapping itself was a muted style in comparison to the others. Plain brown paper with white string. Inside was a small box, and he opened that to reveal a dark, sleek pen.

It wasn't expertly made, but it was picked out with obvious care. Probably from an antique or pawn shop. Kylo unscrewed the cap, and wrote on the brown paper. The ink was a scarlet red, and it ran easy. The metal was dull with patches of black paint, uncommon to his pens that were usually shiny silver or platinum.

Kylo slipped it into one of his pant's pockets for safe-keeping.

For the massive amount of gifts, they were all torn open soon enough. Everybody took turns showing off their hoards, and Leia beamed when Kylo admitted to looking forward to reading some of his books. Han asked about the mugs, and Kylo offered that they'd make good target practice.

But instead of frowning and muttering, Han unexpectedly laughed and said he'd get the shotgun out for later this afternoon. It wasn't the reaction Kylo had expected, and he drank half his eggnog in one massive swallow to give him something to do.

Poe was excited about the cheap kite Finn had given him, and Leia was excited about putting up her new bird feeder. What better time than now to set it up for the birds that remained? (There really weren't any, but his mom even loved the cawing, intimidating crows.)

So they all bundled up, most favoring hot chocolate to the cool eggnog. But Kylo was enjoying the bite of bourbon that came with it, and so opted to get a second glass. For the second time that morning Han looked at him with a wide smile and eyes glimmering. How odd, to actually succeed in making his father proud. And all through morning drinking.

Kylo sat at the steps of the back porch, watching Finn and Poe try and run through the snow to get the kite to pick up. There was some supportive wind, but they were having problems starting it up.

Han was yelling at Leia to make up her mind about which tree to pick, and she was yelling back about how it _wasn't_ _that simple_. It had to be high enough so the deer wouldn't gorge themselves on it, and out of reach for any wayward squirrels. Chewie was standing between them looking increasingly agitated.

Kylo looked around absently for Rey, as he'd gotten caught up in watching the Doofus Duo, and nearly spilled his eggnog all over his pants when she sat down next to him. Well, not exactly next to, as she'd allowed a good four feet to sit empty between them.

"Thanks for the pen."

Rey turned to him, eyes wide and mouth open.

"Is it really that shocking for me to show gratitude?"

"No- just. That you knew it was from me."

Kylo snorted, and then huffed, and then snorted again. Maybe he should lay off the eggnog; he'd downed his second glass faster than his first. And he knew his father didn't skimp when it came to mixed drinks.

"Maybe one day I'll buy you the biggest jar of honey in return," Kylo said with a smirk. "Or would you rather have a farm of the buzzing creatures? Leave an academic's life behind."

She gave what could almost be called a chuckle at that, but she hid it well with a cough. When Kylo turned to look back at her, she'd raised her scarf to hide most of her face. Only her bright spring eyes showed.

They didn't talk about how she'd attacked him last night with a stick, ending their fight by slashing across his face. (Thankfully it was nearly all gone by the morning, except for a spot of purple on the bridge of his nose and a few light scratches on his cheek.) They didn't talk about how she'd waited up for him to come back to the house, doing exactly what she wanted most for another to do with her.

Kylo didn't see how Leia thought Rey and him to be compatible: she was kindness and light, and he was bitterness and slowly-dawning regrets. Through acting as a foil she was showing him just what an ass he'd been through the years.

Soon enough everyone was too cold to want to stay outside. The bird feeder still wasn't up, but the kite had been raised in the sky for a good fifteen minutes before they strung it back in. All the while, as Finn and Poe yelled at each other in excitement, Rey and Kylo sat in silence. It must've been a good half an hour before they all made their way indoors.

When Kylo came back from putting his coat away, Han had another drink ready for him. Feeling obligated since it was already made, Kylo took the glass and made his way back to the dining table. He dully wondered if his dad was getting him drunk for any foreseeable reason.

One of the biggest gifts given was a karaoke starter pack from Poe to Rey. It had a total of three mics and three CD's. One was labeled 'Recent Pop Hits,' the second '90's Rock,' and the last was titled '80's ballads.' Finn went about setting it up while Poe explained that he'd continue on giving with this present. By choosing people's songs for them to sing.

Kylo had the sudden urge to run. He drank half his eggnog in one gulp again, and went away with the excuse to get top off. He didn't bother adding more of the spiced cream; he just added more bourbon.

When he came back, Han seemingly got off easy through singing 'You Shook me All Night Long' to his red-faced wife. Not from embarrassment, but from laughing so unrelentingly. (Probably at his exaggerated hip gyrations.) Next it was Leia's turn, so wiping away a tear, Poe was nice and chose her a Talking Heads' song.

When Poe turned to him with a glimmer in his eyes, a smile wide on his face and making his dimples deep and dangerous, Kylo tired to think of an easy escape. He didn't let any of his apprehension show of course, only leaning further into the couch and taking a sip of his drink with the most casual of airs.

"How about something by Lady Gaga for our drama queen? No, no, no- what am I saying? You grew up with eighties like me. You're getting something so sappy it's a jar of syrup."

Rey, who was sitting on the other couch, burst into a giggle that she tried hard to smother. Han himself looked ready to explode.

"I want to argue 'Power of Love,' or 'Keep on Loving You,' but I know. _I know_ what you need to sing."

"No," Kylo said, voice steady.

"And you guessed it! 'Total Eclipse of the Heart' it is. Come on, up and at'um cowboy."

Kylo didn't bother giving a verbal negative; he just shook his head this time. Everyone groaned, Chewie even going so far as to throw his arms up.

Poe wiggled the plastic microphone, and Kylo thought of how this Christmas' damnation had been long overdue.

"I want to go."

Everyone turned away from a frowning Kylo to Rey, who'd stood and grabbed the mic. She waved her hand impatiently for Poe to pick something, and he took his time leafing through the pop options.

"She's some hero, huh?" Han whispered to Kylo, even going so far as to elbow his side.

Kylo sighed, and pushed away his parent. Then he raised his empty glass, and took Han's to refill as well.

.

After everyone (excluding Kylo) had their turn with a few songs, a break was mutually agreed on. Leia dragged Finn and Poe into the kitchen for help, seeing as they were eager and energetic. Han went to the shed to fiddle with the new bandsaw parts his wife had gifted him with.

Kylo decided to remain on the couch, if only to stop the spinning in his head. He didn't know if it was in most part from everyone's singing (and wow Finn could hit some high notes) or the alcohol. It must've been the later, as it was the only explanation for him not hearing or feeling Rey move from her couch to sit at the spot Han had vacated.

"You doing alright?" she asked, actual concern laced in her quiet tone.

"Just fine," Kylo muttered. "The scars will only be there forever."

"I didn't hit you that hard."

Kylo blinked at that, and said: "I meant everyone's singing."

Rey opened her mouth, and then closed it and looked away. There was pink high on her cheekbones, and Kylo trampled down on a smirk that wanted to be made known on his face.

"I was wondering if we were ever going to talk about it," he said as he rubbed at his nose. He couldn't feel a thing after all those drinks.

"We should get some food into you," Rey said with a shake of her head.

Ever so elegantly Kylo snorted.

Rey eyed him uneasily, and then said: "I mean, I've only had two drinks and I feel pretty tipsy already. You've had four."

"And I'm a foot taller than you. Don't compare our weights, else I'll get self-conscious."

Rey's face relaxed as she chuckled.

"I'm serious, you know. You're all fey and graceful and I'm all heavy-limbed and puffy hair."

Rey was full-out laughing now, head thrown back without abandon and chest heaving from trying to take in some type of air.

"Is Rey murdering Ben in there? It's the only reason for such maniacal laughter," Poe's voice said, floating out from the kitchen.

"If only," Kylo called back dryly.

Finally Rey managed to come back to herself. When she saw how Kylo was studying her, she looked back to her interlaced hands. She knocked back the rest of her eggnog in one swift go. Her face grimaced, and Kylo thought again how she must be a brave person.

"No hard feelings, alright?" Kylo asked hesitantly. "You don't have to apologize, because I sure don't, but let's just put it behind us."

"Hakuna matata?" Rey asked, giggles resurfacing.

Making sure to school his face into nothing, with a deadpan voice Kylo said: "It means no worries."

Whatever playful banter might've continued, Kylo would never know. Because Finn appeared, saying that Rey should come and help already. She gave a glance to Kylo, who huffed before standing. He grabbed a book from his new stack and sat on one for the countertops, not really reading the lines of text before him. Thankfully his mom didn't bother him to help, seeing as he'd always been helpless when it came to cooking. It was too much freedom and experimentation. Kylo always did best when knowing exactly the guidelines he should follow.

His dizziness passed, and he was quick to pour some bourbon neat. He didn't need any more cream (even if it was a lactose-free type), but he needed to keep chasing off the headache that would start if he stopped.

Unlike yesterday, today there wouldn't be any formal dinner with invited friends over. It would just be the seven of them eating as much food as they liked, still in their pajamas if they wanted. And most of it was desserts and leftovers from the day before, so lunch was ready in barely any time at all.

After they'd eaten, and the dishes were done (Kylo got stuck on drying and stacking duty), they all migrated back to the couches and TV. Yet instead of more singing and bright neon lyrics on the screen, they decided to watch a movie.

Kylo went back to his spot before, and then wanted to change when he realized Han had taken the spot beside Leia, meaning- he glanced over as Rey sat down next to him. She curled her legs under her smoothly, the cloth of her leggings moving to conform to her muscles.

 

.

Kylo was positive he'd drifted off at least twice during the nameless film, and had woken up with something prodding his side. Yet both times he'd looked over, and Rey had her hands and elbows to herself. Still, he thanked whatever it was, as it stopped him from drooling.

When the movie was done, it was Chewie this time who grabbed his shoulder and shook him hard enough to have flashbacks of third grade and getting rejected by his first crush.

It was decided that he was the one who had to get more candy canes and cookies, along with everyone's drinks, so with a sigh Kylo stood. Not that he minded that much, as it gave him opportunity to get away from them to yawn freely.

"Let me help you," Rey said as she trotted behind him, the scarf around her neck becoming uneven from the quick movements.

"You're too nice for your own good," Kylo mumbled as he took the empty plate from her. "One of these days some asshole is gonna come and take advantage of you."

"I'll just hit him in the face with a stick," she replied breezily.

"Touché," Kylo said in appreciation for the snub.

They moved in silence: Rey brewing tea for Lea, Kylo pouring more amber liquid for Han and him. Pouring a tall glass of milk for Chewie, heating up some chocolate milk for Finn. Then Rey artfully stacked cookies on the plate, instead of simply throwing them on like Kylo would've done. Kylo filled a bowl with chocolates and canes, and then they were back to the living room.

They'd decided on 'Love Actually' next so Rey didn't feel so homesick, and because it was a holiday flick. Kylo wondered if it'd be especially rude to run off into the woods for a second night in a row.

But he resigned himself on the couch, and idly sipped his drink to continue stemming off the migraine. Everyone else seemed to be drowsing off like he'd been before. It would've been sweet to watch Poe carry Finn off for them to sleep if Kylo was one for relationships.

Then it was Chewie wandering away, followed shortly by Leia and Han. But not before the mother-of-all leaned down to give a kiss to the top of Kylo's head, and then Rey's cheek.

They were nearing the end, and still Rey and Kylo hadn't spoken a word. It was like both were waiting for the other to talk, to give into the stillness between them that the movie did nothing to fill. When the credits finally did start rolling, Kylo gave in and looked over.

Except Rey was leaning on the arm of the couch, eyes closed and drooling on her forearm.

Feeling paranoid, like always, Kylo glanced around the dimmed living room. But everyone had already gone to bed, and no one was there to watch them. So he scooted a bit up on the couch, and then trained his eyes on Rey's face.

There was something unnerving about her, and still he couldn't find just what it was. It was like a popcorn kernel between your back molars. When you tried to pry it out, you only managed to wedge it deeper.

Her foot twitched, reaching out to brush against his thigh, and Kylo stiffened at the contact. Her foot was unexpectedly warm, especially for not wearing socks. Even her toes were tan, and it made Kylo wonder just where Uncle Luke had found her. Or dragged her along to.

His eyes continued up, to the muscles jumping in her legs as she tried to find room to stretch them out. But Kylo wasn't moving, and the pressure on his legs was more ticklish than annoying.

"You have nice calves," Kylo found himself mumbling.

"What?" Rey asked in a mumble, opening her eyes and blinking up at him. She rubbed a hand at the corner of her mouth and then rubbed it on her shirt. Beauty and grace, ladies and gentlemen.

The feet pressed against his leg suddenly seemed heavy, so Kylo scooted down so she had more room. Rey hummed in appreciation, and stretched her legs out further.

"I've never really liked them," she said as she looked down, flexing her calves and making the muscles jump. "They're blocky."

Kylo gave a harsh bark of laughter before saying: "You're not blocky. _I'm_ blocky. My shoulders, my too-big feet. Have you even _seen_ my nose?"

Rey sat up a bit, muffling her laughter in the same forearm she'd just been drooling over.

"Don't even get me started on my ears. They're akin to elephants," Kylo said grumpily, resisting the urge to pull his long hair to further cover them.

"Stop!" Rey said, almost doubling over herself to hold in her laughter. "You're handsome!"

"Really now?" Kylo asked, eyebrows raised in surprise. "I don't quite believe you. All the girls run away from me. Still, you should tell my parents the good news."

Rey sputtered, and then said: "I don't think it's important enough to wake them."

Kylo shrugged, and a silence settled over them again like an old blanket. It wasn't scratchy or itchy like new wool, but instead soft, like it was expected. Kylo couldn't really think of anyone he enjoyed silences with, other than himself and a good book.

"You wanna go look at the stars?"

"You're so weird," Kylo said with a huff, but stood all the same and cracked out his back.

.

Orion was barely visible over the tops of the trees, meaning it really wasn't that late. But when you had a day full of presents, singing and prancing in the snow- Kylo supposed it was good enough reason for everyone to snooze off so early. The sugar crash probably hadn't helped.

Or maybe the two couples wanted time alone, and Chewie was tired from worrying over him last night. Kylo thought they probably just wanted to get away from him.

Rey looked ethereal, tucked in her blanket and her scarf tucked up to cover her face again. Her profile was muted as a result, so Kylo focused on her odd hairstyle. He guessed it wasn't for practicality sense, and more as a sense of memory. It seemed like something Luke would give her. Leia had horror stories of how her brother had twisted her hair into odd styles.

Kylo didn't want to keep staring without reason, so he opened his mouth to talk. If he was talking to her, that was good enough reason to look, right?

"How'd you get me a present? Even I didn't know if I'd be coming this year."

"Leia said you might come by, and I like to be prepared. Unlike Poe and Finn, I tried to give you something that might be useful."

"Quite the contrary. That tiara is going to be the perfect re-gift for Hux when I get back."

"The VP?" Rey asked with eyes wide, making the star's reflections in them all the clearer.

"We hate each other. It's our thing," Kylo said, flashing a crooked smile. That somewhat reminded him of his father's demeanor; damn this liquor for making him easy with conversation and flirting.

Kylo stiffened at that thought: because he'd been blind to it before. He _was_ flirting with Rey. He hadn't actively flirted with anyone since he was fourteen. And he'd been horrible at it.

"You don't seem like the kinda person to just hate someone."

Kylo stared at her like she'd grown a second head, and then thought it over before saying: "You're right. Hatred is too much work. I _tolerate_ him."

The easy silence returned to them, even more pronounced outside. The wind from this afternoon had died down, and the sky was clear. It was no longer snowing, although Kylo was glad about that. It always made his hair frizzy when it got unexpectedly damp.

It was as close to perfection as possible. So of course Kylo had to open his mouth and ruin it.

"I'm sure Uncle Luke wishes he was here. It's his loss."

He almost wanted to reach forward, hold her hand- _goddamn it_. What was this girl doing to him? And in such a short span, too. When she looked up at him with those wide eyes, colorful even in the dark, Kylo felt himself swallow. As if that would help him get his heart out of his throat.

"You'll be important to someone, one day," he continued to babble, as he raised a hand and put it on the side of her face. Just like Han used to do to him, when he was little and lonely. "One day someone is going to wake up and realize they can't live without you in it. And they'll be the lucky one."

Rey laughed, her eyes suspiciously glossy, and Kylo retracted his hand before he did something even more foolish. Even with her supposedly asleep, Leia had an unsettling understanding of her smartphone.

When Rey lifted a hand to rub against her eyes, Kylo kept his eyes on the stars. To at least try and give her some privacy.

.

Kylo woke up thinking Chewie had snuck into his room again. But when he unstuck his tongue from the side of his mouth, there wasn't actual hair this time. He was just hungover.

He stumbled over to the bathroom, first to brush his teeth and then to take a hot shower. It helped to bring out his muddled mind a bit, but he still didn't feel all himself when he got out. He went to the kitchen, hoping coffee could save him yet again.

Instead he found Rey sitting at the breakfast bar, her lips twitching like she wanted to smile. Kylo gave her a glance before starting the process of making coffee. Usually he'd hate how Leia ground the beans the night before, but his brain might just explode like Athena from Zeus' head if he was subject to such a loud noise.

He went to sit at the opposite side of Rey, not even pretending to be strong as he put his head between his arms.

"The bruise is almost gone," she said in greeting.

Kylo looked at her in confusion, before she tapped the bridge of her nose, and Kylo understood. He nodded- he hadn't even remembered to look when he'd toweled off his hair. He might've noticed it if he'd shaved this morning, but he was too tired for that.

"I was gonna go for a walk," Rey said, inflection obvious.

"Fine. But we wait for at least a cup to get done so I can take it with us."

Rey navigated them down their driveway, and then down the road for a bit. The cold air was refreshing and woke him up better than the shower. It probably would've made his headache increase, if Rey hadn't pushed two Ibuprofen at him before they left. She'd go far in college .

Kylo wanted to fill the silence with something. Questions, to try and flesh out the idea he had of her in his mind. Statements, to try and validate what he already thought of her. Or maybe compliments, to try and get her ears to turn red. No- ass-headed comments. That would definitely make her cheeks brighten.

Instead Kylo kept his mouth shut, even when he stumbled and Rey tucked her arm in his for support. He supposed that running in near-darkness of mornings made her far more sure-footed than him. Clearly she didn't need a helping hand in her life, or a strong man in general, so it was a good thing Kylo was with her. He probably needed her more.

Because as much as he liked to live in a world of his delusions, he'd become ragged. Over the company, over his lack of sleep, over the pull of returning home and seeing his mom. He wasn't as sure, as steadfast as five years ago. Even last year.

It was maddening to question the fundamental makeup of himself. Because of a simple morning stroll accompanied by a nice girl, while a headache banged away.

"Is your headache bothering you all that much?"

Kylo blinked away from his thoughts back to this reality, looking down and seeing Rey looking up at him in what looked like worry. Her eyebrows were drawn together, and not in anger.

"Your face just looks really long," she continued to say.

Kylo hummed, and then said: "When I was young they used to call me a donkey."

Rey failed to stifle a gasp of laughter, and then slapped a hand to her face. She looked up at him with an apologetic look.

"No, it made sense. Big ears, long face- and not one to share his toys. I also had the back habit of kicking people I didn't want around me. I bit them, too, every now and again."

Kylo stopped and looked at the road, at both directions it lead. He was glad that Rey was leading, else he would've gotten them lost. Still, it always unnerved him to see two ends of a road, and not knowing where either end went. It was too open-ended for him.

"Is it alright if I call you Ben?"

The question brought him out of his musings, as did the pull on his arm. They started their walk again.

"Why would you want to? He's long forgotten."

"You let Leia call you that."

"She's my Mom. She can call me whatever she likes. Curses especially."

Rey was silent for a moment before asking: "Is that what you think your name is? A curse?"

"I think it's too early for such heavy questions."

"You were thinking some heavy things just now. I don't know you, but it was obvious to tell."

"I think you know me better than almost all," Kylo said quietly, ducking his head and looking down at his boots. He focused on the easy pattern of one leg going in front of the other, one step at a time. He didn't give in to look at Rey's face and see the horror or rejection he found there.

When they circled around back to the cabin, Rey finally retracted her steadying grip on Kylo's arm. Only to push him into a snowbank before running off. Kylo tried to catch up to her, but ended up falling and hitting his nose on the icy ground.

So it was with a red, bloody nose that the two came in with. Rey was a fit of giggles, while Kylo was trying not to cough out the blood leaking down his throat everywhere.

" _Mistletoe_!"

Finn and Poe jumped out like clowns, hands pointed above them at the doorframe. Then they bothered to take in the sight of the two. Finn deflated instantly, and Poe suddenly looked constipated. Trying not to burst into laughter then.

"Move," Kylo said, voice pitched high as he pinched his nose.

They went to the kitchen, where Leia sighed and handed over some paper towels to Kylo. Now that he could bleed free without worry of ruining his beloved black coat or sweater, he leaned forward to wait it out.

"How hard did you punch my pour son?" Han asked in amusement. 

"I didn't-"

"She tripped me."

"I did _not_!"

Eventually the blood stopped, and Leia stuffed his omelet to the point of overflowing with spinach. He argued he could just take iron pills; Leia argued with a look that he'd eat his food without complaint. Kylo did.

It was the last day of the three of them around, and so Finn and Poe went out to try their luck with the kite again. Han offered his hand to Leia, and they went for a mid-morning walk. Kylo tried not to compare it to his and Rey's stroll this morning. At least they hadn't had Chewie tagging along.

Rey wandered outside with a fresh cup of tea to watch and help her friends, so Kylo followed along. He made sure to grab a book, an excuse on liking the cold on the tip of his tongue. But she didn't ask, only gave a slight smile, before trotting out to help the two bumbling fools.

Kylo put his leather gloves on and then went about starting a new book. His coffee cooled quick enough, but it wasn't that bad drinking it lukewarm and then chilled. He wasn't picky when it came to such a blessing.

After reading a good forty pages of the novel (Kylo was enjoying this mysterious Kvothe character, and not only because of their similar-spelled names) Rey clamored up the deck's stairs and sat down beside him. She energetically shook out the snow that was caught in her coat's jacket.

"I like that book," Rey said now that she was done shaking like a dog. "I have the second book in the series if you want it."

Kylo hummed, and turned back to his book.

"If I asked you to read aloud, you probably wouldn't, would you? Because you're not overly fond of your voice or something."

Kylo remained silent.

"Fine, Nick Bottom."

He lifted his head in a jolt at that, and took in the crow's feet at her eyes. Either she was squinting at the dull sunlight on the snow, or more likely proud at her hilarious take on his childhood nickname.

So Rey was also well-versed in literature from Shakespeare to contemporary fantasy.  _Great_.

.

When Rey quietly asked what her grandfather had been like, Leia smiled wide before scuttling off. Chewie followed after her like an obedient labrador, and the two came back with photo albums stacked high.

Kylo couldn't resist, and grabbed one close to examine and flip through. It had the title Summer '84 marked on the outside, and he opened it to immediately start coughing from the dust. Chewie hit his back hard enough for his entire front to get thrown against the table. Still, he turned and nodded in thanks.

It was two years before Kylo had been born, and he marveled at pictures of his parents looking young. It was common knowledge Leia had been a beauty in her day, but Han was an equally bright face to accompany her. Kylo blinked, and then narrowed his eyes at Uncle Luke without a beard. And handsome. It was odd.

He handed off the album to Han before reaching for another one. This had the year 1990 on the front. Kylo winced at how fat his cheeks were, and how his hair was a strawberry-blonde. Leia looked at ease with little Ben, Han seemed exuberant in every picture, and Luke looked nervous. He looked younger than the other two, no doubt from not having a child to care for yet. Kylo stared in shock at how Chewie didn't look any older than he was now. This had been twenty-five years ago and still Chewie didn't have grey. His hair must be hiding his wrinkles.

Before Kylo had a chance to get lost in another one, Leia exclaimed in happiness at her find. She called Rey and Ben, and so Kylo stood and went over to where she sat. He and Rey sat on either side of her as she opened the photo album.

"This is perfect. I was just telling Ben about his Grandfather, and you'll get to know about his best friend. Or your Great Grandfather, Rey."

The pictures were in black and white, and Kylo marveled at them. They were few, but priceless as they showed Anakin and Obi-wan on the battlefronts of the war.

"Obi-wan was the general to Anakin's unit. Eventually Anakin was promoted to act as his second-in-command. They were amazing pilots, those two."

Leia reached a hand forward, fiddling with the edge of a photo. The two men were handsome as they smiled, arms looped around each other's shoulders. A plane was behind them, the logo some sort of star. They seemed entirely at ease for being part of the second great world war.

"I only met Obi-wan a couple times. Luke got to know him better, after Anakin passed. He used to call him Ben."

Rey stiffened at that, and Kylo blinked before realizing the implications. He'd always thought his parents had simply liked the name, not that he'd been named after a close family friend.

"You met him a few times as a babe," Leia continued to say, closing this tattered album and bringing out another by her feet. "You adored him every time. He actually made you laugh instead of scream when he tickled the bottoms of your feet."

She opened the new album, and the handsome man from before was now older. He had lines on his face, and was gently smiling at the person taking the photo. The baby, who Kylo realized was himself form the caption 'Ben Squared,' was looking up to the old man in reverence.

"You were so fat."

The statement caught Kylo off guard, as he continued focusing at the picture for a moment before looking back up at Rey. Her lips were pressed together and her ears were pink.

"First you call me ass-headed and now fat? I'm hurt."

Rey relaxed at his breezy tone, and Kylo ignored the pointed look Leia shot his way. She clearly wanted to continue on with the album of baby Ben, but Kylo reached back for the older pictures. He asked her to tell him any stories of the two war-friends that she knew. Just like with his mom, Kylo chose to feign indifference at the confused and thankful look Rey gave him.

Eventually Leia was called away by Han, no doubt so they could revel in their youthful days. But before she left, Leia patted Kylo's knee, making him look up at her at the silent demand.

"You should take that. You'd appreciate the pictures of your Grandfather more than me."

Kylo nodded, and then tucked his chin against his chest to stop himself from smiling.

.

"What did I tell you?"

Kylo looked up from fiddling with the coffee maker's options. He stood straight, refusing to bow down low just because he wanted to change a little thing around here.

"I told you you'd get along well with her," Leia continued to say smugly, a playful smile on her face.

"Oh. With the girl," Kylo said with a surprised blink.

"She's not just a girl," Leia said with a sigh. "And if you haven't realized that already, I've failed in bringing up a competent son."

Kylo huffed at the statement, when in reality his head was leaping ahead. Thoughts on how his mother had always been right, that he should listen- that he should use her gift to loosen something not only in his chest.

So Kylo stepped away from the offer of playing 'Risk' to retreat to his room, the album tucked safely against his side. He saw Rey's eyes dart down to it, but she looked away quickly after. Thankfully they actually left Kylo alone for once, and he took the opportunity to dig about in his closet.

He knew he had some empty photo frames, his parents taking the pictures out to frame in large wall-hangings. Grimacing, Kylo moved past wanting to hack his lungs out from the dust. As if it wasn't bad enough he was intolerable to dairy products. He had to have a stereotypical allergy as well.

After a good ten minutes Kylo found some dusted frames. One had a chip in the glass, another had metal as the frame- Kylo grabbed the one with a wooden frame eagerly. He sat up from the floor and made his way over to his thin twin bed that was too short by a good half-foot now.

Carefully he unhatched the backing, taking out the glass and cleaning it on his sweater. Then he stood and walked back to the living room.

" _Traitor_!" Poe yelled in defeat before tackling a laughing Finn.

Han cheered, chanting for Rey to ally herself to his side of this board game battleground as well.

It took a minute for the rabble to die down for Kylo to be noticed, and for his mom to answer his question on where the Windex was. Kylo shuffled to get it, thinking he could've just breathed on the glass to create condensation to clean with like most. But he wanted to put true effort into this.

Kylo cleaned the glass meticulously, even making sure to get the edges the frame would cover. Next he took the furniture oil and made the dried wooden frame gleam.

He washed his hands, mindful to get rid of any residual oil. Then he flipped through the photo album with his gloves on, so he'd avoid getting any natural oils on it. He felt like a pompous art collector with their white gloves, carding through their hoard of fine art.

Eventually he came to a worthy picture that was only of Obi-wan. He wasn't smiling like in most of the other photos, his eyes on something in the distance. Apparently he had a flaming red beard, and Kylo could feel it more than see it come out of the black and white.

.

Since it was the three's last night here, Leia used all of Finn and Poe's offered help to create a lovely dinner. There was tofu again, but it was thai themed, so Kylo found it in him to forgive. Especially when Rey argued that the dishes needed to be hotter. And then showed amazing skills in masterfully making pad-thai.

They sat about, conversations piling on top of each other. But it wasn't hectic, and oddly enough, it calmed Kylo like the woods. There was method to this mad family.

Han pulled out some champagne, and Kylo was feeling well enough to indulge again. His headache had gone away mid-morning, his stomachache after eating lunch. He told himself not to get carried away, to remember his foolishness from yesterday and the grogginess he'd woken up with this morning.

But it was forgotten as Rey kept filling up his glass first with champagne, and then whiskey. She apparently liked it more than bourbon, and with a splash of lime juice. Han frowned at her odd choice, but Kylo could be adventurous too. So he tried it.

"You're going to be the death of me," Kylo complained when Rey returned with his tumbler glass full.

She snorted, and then sat down next to him on the couch in a flourish. She didn't seem to mind how it made her shoulder brush against his arm. But Kylo was aware of it, and leaned away.

"Welcome to the world of college. You didn't get to go, so I'll just give you a crash course now," she said before taking a sip. It masked whatever smile Kylo thought was sure to form.

"Crash sounds ominous," he said slowly, savoring how she looked up at him with eyes bright.

Their easy conversation was overtaken by Finn raising his voice when the chorus of 'Wrecking Ball' came up again. By popular demand the karaoke had been brought back out, the massive TV used for lyrics instead of something entertaining.

Although, it was entertaining to watch Poe turn increasingly purple from holding in his laughter. It clashed horrendously with his orange sweater.

"They're complaining about how you still haven't sung anything," Rey said lowly, as if it was a national secret and not a silly opinion.

"Still a resounding 'no' from me."

Rey stuck her bottom lip out as she watched Poe, as if she was _pouting_. But Kylo had strong opinions on almost everything, this ever-popular invention included. Karaoke was for teenage girls wanting to bond, or drunk men trying to show off at a low bar. The idea that Christmas had been overtaken by this contraption dumfounded him.

"What if I offered a duet?"

"In truth, after our duel, I'm set."

Rey turned to him, her pout gone now for simmering annoyance. It was a little shocking, seeing as they'd been getting along, but Kylo had been an utter dick in the beginning. He was still in most ways. Maybe he should be surprised that she wasn't annoyed at him more often.

"You're really never going to let that go, are you? Did you expect to win?"

Kylo barked out a laugh at that, causing Chewie to turn and miss the next line. Not that it mattered. Everyone now had their eyes on Kylo, so he took the opportunity to turn to Rey with a raised eyebrow. He could practically feel everyone's eyes move to her, and he watched in interest as she blushed at the attention. She'd been saying such bold words, but was now chagrined when forced into the spotlight.

Eventually the CD's were brought out and the mics put away, much to Kylo's relief. He could only take Chewie howling away at 'Hips Don't Lie' for so long.

Since it was clear night out again, Rey suggested they go star-gazing. It made Kylo nearly drop the plate he'd been washing. He cursed himself: of course he wasn't special enough for only her to ask him. It was entirely understandable that she'd ask anyone around.

It was a little nicer than last night, what with Leia brining out blankets and making a pot of decaf Earl Grey. Kylo absolutely wasn't playing favorites when he gave Rey the largest mug so she could have the massive amount of tea she probably wanted.

They all sat in silence on the porch. There weren't enough reclining chairs, but Kylo didn't really like them that much, so he went to sit on the stairs. He was surprised to see Rey sit next to him, jostling his shoulders like she hadn't been hissing at him ten minutes ago. About when they'd battled each other with sticks. (It still sounded weird to think, much less realize it'd actually happened.)

Han brought out a couple cigars, and while Kylo refused, his fingers itched for a cigarette. He'd kicked the habit a couple years ago, refusing the idea of dying from blackening his lungs with something so pointless as a nicotine rush.

He stilled his mind by looking back up the sky. He first oriented himself with Orion, and then began connecting the lines between lights burning light years away. It was a calming habit, and he felt his mug become increasingly cold.

Unlike last night, where silence had mostly filled the space between Kylo and Rey, everyone took turns telling stories about the outdoors. It was almost as if they had a campfire going.

The stories of survival camp from Han and Poe were entertaining. How the former had caught a flying squirrel in his haste to get something, only to share it with his teammates. Poe had a similar story, but it was a rat. Not nearly as odd or memorable. Finn talked about survival drills in the military as well, and Kylo realized that he must be a few years older than Rey. Kylo had thought him naturally younger by his enthusiastic personality.

Leia commented on how Ben got scared camping in the backyard when he was a child. Petrified and certain of hooded creatures of darkness in the woods waiting for him to come out, so they could whisk him away in the night.

"You had a vivid imagination," Rey said, both parts shock and appreciation in her voice.

"I read _Lord of the Rings_ too soon, I think," Kylo commented back. "I was sure the Nazgûl were out there, and I'd become like Frodo. Only there'd be no elf to heal me."

"You were afraid of becoming a dark figure in a self-made perpetual purgatory from greed for more power?"

Kylo blinked at the sky, and then down to Rey. She rose an eyebrow, as if her wording hadn't been poignant enough.

"I see the irony, yes," Kylo huffed.

"Only now that I outline it you do," she said, again leaning over to brush her shoulder against his.

Finn complained about being cold, and shooed away Poe's attempts at 'poetry to warm your heart,' and then his body as he tried to cuddle. Han also complained about freezing his money-making hands, so the four of them headed in with the tray of mugs and cold tea. Chewie moved to sit between Rey and Kylo for some minutes more. He pulled them together on either side of him, mumbled something rough, before he got up as well.

"That was nice of him to say," Rey said lightly.

"Don't even pretend you know what he's saying," Kylo said with a shake of his head. "Just because you have an accent doesn't mean you can actually understand him."

"I understand the tone, and that's more than half of it," Rey said proudly, crossing her arms.

They sat in silence for some longer minutes still, and the quiet of last night resumed. The soft call of an owl could be heard in the distance. The snow began falling, but that only added to the silence of the night.

Kylo chanced a glance over, and watched as a full-body shiver ran through Rey's thin figure. She had a blanket around her, but she'd foolishly grabbed one of the tread-bare ones. Kylo actually recognized this one from his childhood.

Wordlessly, Kylo reached out and took the blanket off her shoulders. She looked at him oddly, but didn't fight or question him. Next he took off his thick black coat, and moved it to sit on her shoulders. Immediately she stuck her arms in the sleeves, and then had to fold up the cuffs a good few times for her fingers to show. It would probably reach her ankles if she stood.

Kylo took the blanket in recompense, and draped it around his shoulders. It smelled faintly of magnolias.

"I got you a present."

Rey turned to him then, face peaking out from the high collar of the coat. She'd put the hood up as well, and it looked almost comical in size on her.

"How? We've been here all day."

"Left inside pocket."

Rey blinked at him in confusion for a moment before realizing he was talking about his coat. She took a hand out of one of the side pockets, and then felt around on the front's inside. She found it a moment later, pulling it out while giving him an apprehensive side-glance.

When she looked down to the photo of Obi-wan, Kylo saw her shoulders hunch and her breath stop. Then she inhaled and exhaled in a massive cloud of white.

"Thank you," she said earnestly, her eyes still on the photo.

Kylo nodded, not exactly trusting his voice. He didn't think he'd ever manage to hold such an earnest tone in his words like she always managed.

They went inside some moments later, Rey's fingers looking white as they gripped the photo frame tight. Kylo almost worried about her cracking the glass from her vicious grip.

"You're not such a bad guy, you know."

Kylo turned from folding blankets at that. Rey looked even smaller in his jacket. And he'd been right: the hem that went just below his knees was scant inches from touching her ankles. It reminded him of the stereotypical boyfriend shirt that went to a girl's knees. But this wasn't exactly cute. Rey looked lost swathed in the extra fabric.

"I'll make sure to tell my therapist that," Kylo said with a toss of his head.

Rey shook her head, taking a few steps closer to him. Panicking, Kylo turned away from organizing the pile of blankets to sit on the table's edge. She wouldn't continue taking steps closer if he was staring her down.

Except he was mistaken, as she took two more light steps closer. He could feel his coat flick against his knees as she stopped before him.

"You don't have a therapist," she said with conviction.

He raised an eyebrow, impressed, before saying: "Maybe you do know me."

"I'm good at that. You'd think being alone most of my life would make me inept at reading people. But it made me good at it, because I look harder than most. I'm eager to look."

"You should focus your attentions on someone else," Kylo said, swallowing roughly. He shouldn't have let her get him drunk again. While he'd restrained himself on flirting, the company of everyone else around helping, it was backfiring now. His brain that was usually so fast at protecting himself was slow, sluggish to put up any type of defense.

He looked back up, and stilled when he found Rey's eyes already on him. She took another step forward, lifting a hand to press against the side of his face. Kylo didn't feel lonely anymore.

"You don't always have to be so afraid," she said with a whisper.

Kylo didn't dare breathe, much less blink, as she leaned forward and pressed her lips on his forehead. It was only possible with him slouching, and Rey arching on her tip-toes.

"For earlier. With the mistletoe."

Kylo nodded dumbly, again not trusting his voice.

She ducked forward again, too fast for him to put up any resistance, and this time Kylo felt her dried lips press against the tip of his nose. It made him almost laugh at the ticklish sensation.

"That was because I felt like it."

Kylo watched her, still struck dumb in silence, as she walked back out of his space. It looked like she was skipping more than walking as she left him, his coat flicking behind her. Her calves flexing as her weird hair buns bobbed up and down.

She left him sitting, staring at the hallway she'd disappeared into, for a long moment. Then Kylo managed to snap himself out of it, and lifted a hand to rub at his tired eyes.

"No more drinking," Kylo muttered to himself.

.

The next morning wasn't as cheery as the ones before. It was heavy as the three packed up their small belongings, stripping the beds and sitting down for their last breakfast at the cabin.

Truthfully it wasn't all that bad for the three. They were just a short ride away from campus, where they'd return to the dorms. Have a few days to think about exactly how drunk they wanted to get to welcome in the New Year.

For Kylo, who'd decided to leave tomorrow afternoon, it held a different air. He didn't know when he'd be back this far north, much less when he'd see the other three again. Poe and Finn he was indifferent to, and they seemed the same, but Rey didn't look at him when she got her morning tea together.

True, the connection between them had started generations ago, but this was the present. And Kylo wasn't the nicest while she seemed too pure for this world.

If he was being honest with himself, which he was going to try and do more often now, he didn't want to see her go. He didn't want to let whatever had lit between them go out with distance and lack of attention. But his pride was big, and he'd never actually asked a girl for her number.

Yet it was larger than that: it was the thought of sure rejection. Because it was as plain as the snow on the ground, showed enough in how she had reached an arm out to steady him. On the icy roads and something beyond.

She didn't need him, didn't need anyone to lean on, while Kylo was stumbling. Falling through life, looking for something to grab onto before he unraveled from all his tattered ends.

"You're thinking dramatic thoughts, aren't you?"

Kylo's head snapped back at that, and he looked to see Han watching him with warm eyes.

"You always got that look when you played with your toys," Han continued to say. "And when I asked what was wrong, you'd glare at me saying you were concentrating. Thinking."

He broke off to laugh loud, causing Leia to shoot him an affectionate glare as she cooked scrambled eggs.

"You're the only kid I've ever known to get caught up in his own thoughts while trying to have fun. You always created such intricate situations, instead of just opting for a simple view. A simple thought process."

Kylo stared, a little flustered that his dad had taken such a long time to explain something so small. Kylo didn't remember any of that; he only remembered enjoying time for himself.

"So stop over thinking things," Han finished with a sigh.

Kylo nodded, and got a pat on his arm before his parent was off. Predictably to stop Chewie from putting an entire loaf of banana bread on his plate.

"There was some reason why I married your father," Leia said as she appeared next at his side.

Kylo raised a skeptical eyebrow.

"I said some reason, not good reason."

Kylo barked out a laugh in shock. Unlike Han, where she'd glared, this time she gave him a beaming smile.

After breakfast everyone took their time putting away dishes. Then they all decided to go for a walk, and Kylo made sure to walk close to Chewie. It made Rey walk with her friends, and not tempt Kylo with the idea of her against his side again. It was something private, something too new to bring out into the light of other's eyes just yet.

Or maybe Kylo was reading too much into it, as Han had just mentioned. Creating elaborate delusions about simple realities that he couldn't change, no matter how much he altered it in his thoughts and beliefs.

Or maybe Kylo was reading Han's advise wrong, and was digging himself even deeper down the rabbit hole when he needed to climb the other way. Towards the sun, towards light.

Honestly it was easier maintaining a multi-billion dollar company than his personal thoughts.

Their walk ended soon enough, and then Finn and Poe argued they needed to play with the kite a little bit more. There wasn't a big expanse at Cornell like the backyard here; the greens were always too full of trees or fellow students.

Kylo sat at the couch and read more of his fantasy novel, and Leia came to join him. She had a historical romance novel, but he'd learned to stop criticizing her choice of books when he was very young indeed. She pushed at him a plate of cookies, and he looked down at them before deciding he could afford eating a few more. Soon he'd be back to work and forgetting to eat regularly.

Eventually the three were brought back in from the cold, and Leia was quick to put together grilled cheese and tomato soup. It was simple, and it made Kylo almost wish for the old days to return.

After they sat about, and for fun Leia took down Rey's hair (that was longer than Kylo thought it'd be) and had fun putting it in the designs that Luke used to. Of the swirling buns, the looping braid, and then a single plait down the black. She took pictures as she went, Rey trying to school her face into something calm and collected and failing.

"Luke will love these," Leia said as she giggled. "You have a better face than I did at your age. I was all chipmunk cheeks."

"You were _not_ ," Han said automatically.

But as all things, there had to be an end. Unlike when they'd first arrived, Poe was the one who piled the bags high on his shoulders and went to throw them in the car. Kylo noticed for the first time how orange it was, and suddenly understood Leia's choice of sweater for him.

Finn offered his hand to shake, and Kylo took it and gave a solemn nod. Then the boy was bounding off to get a kiss from Leia, and a long hug from Han. Finn seemed almost more in love with Kylo's dad than his own boyfriend.

Kylo was watching the snow fall, and so didn't immediately notice when Rey came to stand next to him. She cleared her throat, and Kylo nearly jumped.

"So I suppose I won't see you for a good while. Leia was saying you haven't been to a Christmas here for six years."

"I come and go," Kylo said with a shrug.

"Well, I'll have you know they're having a New Years party that I'm attending."

"Really?"

She nodded her head, the long braid Leia had decided on swaying from the action.

"And I'll have you know Han is going to pass on the honor of bar tending to me," she said, chest puffed out in pride. "Something about needed to command drinks before commanding a plane."

Kylo shook his head, but still he felt his lips twitch up. Not only at her tone, but at her words. So she wanted to be a pilot? Another fact to store away.

"So, I mean, maybe you should stick around for a little bit longer. Before doing that boring drive off to boring New York."

"It's not such a bad city," Kylo answered. "Maybe not as refined as London."

The bridge of Rey's nose crinkled as she narrowed her eyes.

"You should visit sometime," Kylo said loftily, breaking eye contact with her so she wouldn't be able to see how big an offer he was making.

"I'll tell you my answer to that, if you're here for the party."

Kylo thought about it only for a moment before saying: "Fine."

He only had a moment to see her blinding, wide smile before she leaned forward. She rocked on her heels, making her tall enough to brush her lips just above his right cheekbone.

Finn made an undignified squawk while Chewie roared.

"For the mistletoe," she said, loud enough to carry and for everyone to hear.

But she'd already- why should she- Kylo shook his head and pushed her away. It didn't diminish her small smile, and Kylo wondered when he'd lost his ability to intimidate. Maybe when Rey had made him lose his footing.

Kylo stood with his parents and Chewie as they waved the car away. They watched the orange slowly get smaller until it was a dot, and then nothing more. It was just a world of white and stasis again.

"So what was that I heard about you staying for the New Year's party?" Leia asked slyly as they closed the door.

"What was that I saw about you being a heartbreaker?" Han asked as he elbowed his son in the side.

Chewie gave his own growling statement, raising a hand to rub Kylo's hair and make it a tangled mess. Kylo pushed him, and then brushed his parents off with a shrug.

"I feel our son is finally growing up, my dear," Han said, voice halting and fake in its emotion. "Actually being civil around people, getting his first girlfriend-"

Kylo didn't stick around to hear much more, even the light chuckling of his mother. Like he was still a petulant child, he went back to his room to pick up the next book in his stack.

But when he entered, he stilled, and looked around. Something felt off, and he found the small intruder at his windowsill. He recognized it as one of the two spearmint plants Rey had in her room.

He looked at the bright green leaves, and thought of her eyes. Kylo reached a hand up, to rub one of the leaves and smell the refreshing, biting scent, but his fingers instead picked up the slip of paper tucked under the little pot.

He opened it to find Rey's number, along with a lopsided smiley face.

 

 

 

FIN

 

 

 


End file.
